we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
