i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
