1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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