You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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