At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
