I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
