why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
