he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
