Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
