I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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