that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
