I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
