She's JV to your varsity
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
