Yo dont text me then not text me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
