were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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