what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
