he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
