The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
