just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
