you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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