i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
