I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
