we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
