Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
