You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
