What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
