So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
