When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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