So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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