I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
