tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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