16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
