Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

im ready to get crazy and take my wig off

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(812): View more from Indiana

dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.

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(727): View more from Florida

Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...

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(312): View more from Illinois

Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"

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(905): View more from Ontario

Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!

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(573): View more from Missouri

Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.

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