What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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