no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
