Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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