Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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