In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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