Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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