She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
