Got a toothbrush?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
