That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
