I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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