I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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