My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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