I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
