My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
