I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
