had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My feet surprised me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
