My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
