look no pants
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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