So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
