He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Quick, to the slutcave!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
