Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
